Relationships and Secondlife®

As some of you do or do not know, I met a guy on Secondlife® around 8 months ago. 3 months later this blossomed into a beautiful real-life relationship. Phone calls turned in to weekend visits, and talks about the past moved towards our future, together. It was actually quite nice to not only meet someone I was attracted to as a "real life" person, but also that I was able to share something that is so important to me, with them; that is Secondlife®. However, this tale only has an unfortunate ending. That is, the relationship did not last as long as my continued interest in Secondlife®. That is life, as they say...or perhaps "That is life....both first and second."

Thus, I have been trying to ponder and contemplate a good entry into this long forgotten blog about my learnings from a Secondlife® partnership that led to a real life partnership; to shed light to this phenomena. We see it everywhere, and all of us have been invited to them, yep, that's right, Secondlife® weddings! I myself have wedded 2 couples, been in 2 weddings, organized a wedding....and even crashed one. They are a good reason for two people, who have met on Secondlife® to tie the knot. Usually it is because they have a "sexual" relationship on SL that has aspects that permeate into RL. (ew) Or sometimes it's a consolation prize when one partner buys shit for the other partner in RL or Secondlife®. I myself know of a woman who received a FREE computer from a guy on SL® and thus, partnered him! Then again, free computer!

However, what happens when people take SL® into the RL. Myself and a few other avatars are friends in RL. We haven't met *yet* but we phone one another, text one another, send pictures of baklava to one another, email, etc. We are part of their lives, both in world and out. What happens when the RL part ends? What then?

After my former boyfriend and I went separate ways, I cut off all contact with him in RL. A fresh start with a new me. Or as I like to think...exs have a role in your past, that shaped who you are in the present, but they do not have the privilege of being in your future. Thus, in SL®, I've done much the same thing. At first it was kind of hard to see him Log On, and know we weren't talking. And I also hope he would "be a mature adult" and resign himself from property I have an interest in; this was to no avail. How do you act around SL® mutual friends? Does this change your attitude towards the game?

Pretty much what I've learned is, while friendships from Secondlife® can be long lasting, and closer than many "real life" friendships--I don't think SL® is best for "romantic" relationships to bleed into real life. Not only did dating said person take away gaps in my real life, that I am finding now that I missed, but there were gaps in my Secondlife® that I missed out on! I didn't DJ for months while we were dating, and I LOVEEEE it... I didn't make clothes... I didn't see or hang with my SL® friends. It was not the former bf's fault by any means, but I realize what I sacrificed for something in "real life"....I sacrificed...me.

While some people enter SL® being furries, fairies, robots, dinosaurs, other genders, etc. SL® is an extension of myself; to the extent that if I'm having a "poopy" day, I want my avatar to show it. And thus, I put a lot of heart and soul into the verse, and I think entangling my heart and soul with someone also in the verse.... complicates things. And there is the chance you may run into them again, as much as you just want them gone. Even on the internet you can't hide from ....THE EXS!

Moral:

1) don't date people you meet on Secondlife®, otherwise it makes things more awkward and can make it harder to move on in RL.

2) SL® has some really great people on it, truly amazing people; make friends!

3) Oh my avatar is pondering in a NYC subway car because I am in NYC and I was in a subway car...or 6...today! See, RL--->SL®--->RL--->SL®....sense a pattern?